Looking up to the bright, sparkling lights
that float right above.
Filling the dark, night sky
like a billion diamonds.
Not a cloud,
clear - with only twinkling stars.
Remembering when I was little
and my mom showed me the
Big Dipper
Orion's Belt
Now that's all I see
One bright star
More radiant than any other
Puts a twinkle in my eye
Maybe it's no star
Maybe it's
Mars, Jupiter, or
a whole new world
I keep gazing into
the miles and miles
of open skies
Looking at the stars.
That's a really nice poem. I could really picture the stars when I was reading it. I also loved how you started with a stream of conciseness and turned it into a poem.
ReplyDeleteThis was a very visually effective poem. I liked your author's note, and how you stated what sparked the idea of this poem. For your next writing pieces, remember to write what you were trying to improve (if anything), because when you don't you can't get much help from comments. I liked how the word choice wasn't overpoweringly strong, yet was still effective and sounded intelligent. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteThanks Abbie...Now that I think of it, I always seem to forget to put my goals in my author's note. I'll try to remember :)
ReplyDeleteAs usual, I really enjoy this. There are parts of this poem that could easily be interpreted as symbolic, and if you would like me to tell you what I see, I'd be happy to do so. You may want to read "When I Heard the Learn'd Astronomer" by Walt Whitman.
ReplyDeleteMr. Johnson:
ReplyDeleteI'd like to hear about the symbolism you interpreted. I have my meeting with you tomorrow morning so can you go over it then?