Author's Note: I did a word association and one of my words was leaves so I decided to do a poem on autumn. I have a feeling that my level has gone down for writing over the summer since I didn't write very much. Please leave me feedback on my poem.
Slowly, lush green to blazing orange
Leaves will turn and fall
Slowly, warm to cool
Winds will gust and swirl
Slowly, desert dry to swamp wet
Dew will sparkle on grass
A beautiful scenery
Time for blankets and smores
Around the glowing, warmth
Of a campfire
Under the starry skies
Bright colors
Stormy gusts
Refreshing mists
Autumn
Soon
More clouds than sun
More blustery winds than lake breezes
More chilly nights than warm days
Still just as many smiles
And good times
As there always has been
Slowly changing to something new
Yet still something as great as before
New autumn leaves, skies, and days
But the same of what has always been good
I know what you feel about levels going down... I feel the same way with my writing... this was an amazing poem. I loved the form of it, and how it was so picturesque. The only error I found was in your author's note, you accidentally wrote right instead of write, but it doesn't matter that much. This piece was great. Maybe next time you could find a nice visual too. This is something I lack at, but it is always a nice touch. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThank you. I fixed my error, thanks for pointing that out. Last year I used to put lots of visuals when I wrote and Mr. Johnson said that I should work on some of my writing without the picture to that my picture would be what the person will draw in their head as they read... If that makes sense. Thanks again for the feedback!
ReplyDeleteThat was really descriptive and it gave me a picture in my head. My favorite part was when you said "dew will sparkle on grass" it reminds me of a fall morning. But, I think s'mores has an apostrophe in it.
ReplyDeleteYes, i agree with your assertion that your skill level slipped a bit for lack of writing, but that is easy enough to recuperate. I am lucky to be the one who gets to work with you! See me about poetry, and what we can do as a more concrete approach so that more discipline can enter the process. The thoughts, the raw vision is still beautiful, still in tact. You are a little rusty, that's all:)
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