BOOM, WHOOSH, SPLASH! The rain knocks against the windows, clouds darken the sky, winds violently blow, and thunder intensely claps. We see these stormy days coming ahead of us, yet we pray for at least clouds and cold weather instead of pouring rain and canceled events. Constantly we stare out the window just to check the weather: rain, thunder, clouds, wind, or occasionally sunshine. Constantly we look forward to the meet coming up every night. Constantly we hope that we can finally compete, but without much luck.
Waiting and waiting, day after day for the night that we can finally compete. Just hoping that there won't be an announcement canceling what could be. I have worked so hard to progress my time, speed, and strength. Every time we have a meet is when I get to see my independent improvement from the meet before and our team's improvement overall.
There's a track meet today and I'm excited to compete. I hope that we won't get rained out. All we can do is pray and wait for a bright day.
i find this piece refreshing. While you didn't really write this with the intent of being a "serious" piece, I loved the syntactic device of repetition in the three sentences. I loved that! I also really enjoyed how it starts with a sort of vague, poetic voice, then builds to a real specific voice at the end, like a sort of focusing of a lens, or a decrescendo. Mai, lovely!
ReplyDeleteMai,
ReplyDeleteI could tell very easily in this piece that you wanted to have a meet. I learned a little bit more about you reading this piece. For your next piece i would be careful of word repetition. You used the word compete a lot. I understand that that might be word that would hard to find a synonym for, however if you put your mind to it i am sure that you could do it!
I loved the use of onomatopoeia to start your piece.. it was really an interesting introduction... As much as this is not normally a good thing, I loved the way it sort of came to a quick conclusion... The word compete was indeed used more than others, but I didn't really find it distracting. Maybe you could replace one of those with something like "partake in the meet" or something.. nice job!
ReplyDelete